Right Where I Left Off?

 Hi All

So here's an attempt at picking up where I left off, six years ago.😨

Minimalistic Style.  Classic Clean Lines.  Black Text and White background. 

I never stopped taking photos, I've never stopped being a photographer, I don't think one actually ever does.  Even without a camera in your hands, you still see things in your minds eye that are pictures.  

I wanted to start sharing again.  I wanted to start writing again.  I think I fell into the ease of letting facebook and instagram do all "the work" for me.  I'd add a well researched quote and slap a bunch of pictures together and say "hey, I'm still here, look at me"

I haven't figured out the logistics, do I go back over the last 6 years and start sharing special photos from shoots?  Maybe.  Do I just pick up where I left off and keep that awkward block of time open? Maybe.  Do I blog a few times, grow tired of it, and overwhelm myself with unnecessary details, and stop again for another 6 years?  Entirely possible.  I guess we will see.

Wanna go Seeum? | Moncton Photographer

 I've been meaning to blog, I've been trying to blog, but the summer, has been a blur of activity.  From shooting, editing and emailing to beach runs and soccer games, time has flown by faster than I care to admit.

I am right now getting ready, (who am I kidding?), I'm procrastinating, I should be packing stuff up for the MQHA Summer Sizzler Show, which starts tomorrow, but, I've decided that right now, this is more important.

Just before supper...
me :  "where have you been Anna?"
Anna "At gamy and gampies"
me : "your hair is quite curley"
Anna "yup, teen, it's fwom the wain"
me : "oh, did you get wet coming home?"
Anna "Wes, wes I did teen, see..." she shows me her wet pants, and notices the bottle of pink nail polish on the table
"TEEEENNNN, I'm sooooo e-cited, you found the pink nail powish, Vat's my favorite, can you paint my toesnails, paweese?"

In stitches, this kid keeps me laughing, she keeps me honest!  My niece, try to get anything past her, and she'll give you a run for your money. Two, going on 18, she is a diva, she has a nose like a blood hound, especially when it comes to sniffing out chocolate.  She often stops in to check on me when I'm working, she loves to catch me editing a set of pictures from a horse shoot.  "Who's that ones horse teen?"  "Where does she live?" "Who's it's momma?"  And she is especially excited if she catches me editing pictures with children.  "Who's her name?"  "What's she doing?" "Where is her Momma and her Dada?"  "Wanna go seeum?"

I wish everyone, everywhere, had the chance to meet her, she is cuteness personified.  She has a personality the size of the Moon shoved into that little body, so, of course, it's bursting to get out, in every direction.

I promised to paint her toenails pink, if she would just sit still for a few pictures.

"Want to take a pikcha of the nail polish teen?"

"Ok, hold it way up high"....  "Can you see it now Teen?"

A wee bit dramatic, reaction to the supper her Momma brought her. (In all honesty, it was worth getting excited over, roast beef and all the fixings!)

"Teen, Is this my smile?"

"a-hahaha"

"Nope, here's my smile"

"A-hahahaha"

"K, teen, I fink I'm done now"

So, as I promised, her little toes were painted pink when she went off to read her favorite stories for Bed time.  "Goodnight little Anna, wuv you."

These pictures are soft technically, but tack sharp emotionally.  Just having fun with me favorite girl, so please excuse the unprofessional appearance!

Doubt | Moncton Photographer

It was, one of those days.  You know, the ones where you feel the only good that came from you getting out of bed, was that the sheets had a rest from your company.  One of those days, where, it seems, like everyone else, in the whole world are enjoying epic achievements.  While, there you sit, questioning yourself, your every move and wondering why, why on earth you even take the time to try.

I'm talking, one of those days, where you can't even toast a bagel without getting it wrong.  When you go to add milk to your coffee and remember you ran out, yesterday.  Those days when doubt, doesn't even knock, it just arrives, throws open the door, totally uninvited, and gets comfortable, sometimes, curls up to take a long nap on your sofa.

Doubt, sometimes even brings along friends, you know, fear, resentment, indecision, and uncertainty.

Oh boy.  It was, one of those days.  A sequence of events, now, from this perspective, which were totally trivial, sent out a text message to doubt... "party at Christines' place, bring your friends."

So, here I sat.  Missing Ben, hating my work, my obligations, on my last "free to be me" weekend of the summer (that hasn't yet arrived).  I let doubt come in and get comfortable.  Silly me.  I tried to read inspirational quotes online, but that lead me to other websites, that made me feel insignificant, and left me feeling even more inadequate.  So, I walked away from the internetz and played angry birds, which, just made Me angry, when I couldn't knock the monkey out of it's tree.  I couldn't find anything worth watching on TV, and was too restless to find a movie.

So, I decided, retail therapy, it may have been drastic, but, it is, what it is.   The garden center was my first stop.  I went up and down the isles smelling the herbs, admiring the flowers & scents, from the flowers that I love the most.

From there, I started to pick up steam, went to a hardware store and picked up some valve clamps, yes, valve clamps, for a DIY project. (I'll share pics when I complete it!)  Onto another store to get a card and to get lost in fabric, ribbon, baskets, beads, and every other item that inspires a spark in me.  The best part of my retail therapy, is that often, I don't even feel obligated to buy anything.  When I left the last store, I felt better.  I played my favorite song, over and over, and took the long way home.

When I got home, doubt was gone, & so were all of his buddies.

In the time I took for myself, I had the opportunity to check in with myself.  To make sure, that, where I was going, is still going to lead me to the direction of where I want to be. I realized that the people whom I started out with, won't necessarily be the ones at the finish line, and won't necessarily always been cheering for me, in fact, some of those people, may actually have fishing line strung across the path, hoping that I'll trip.  And, I am ok with that, I have to be, after all, in the end, all I can be is me, and that, in itself, is quite empowering.  I had the opportunity to attend an online learning session with my idols, Justin and Mary Marantz, and learned a lot, one of the most powerful messages that I took from that was this. "Find those who love you, and let the rest go."  How empowering is that?  To allow yourself to recognize that we are not meant to please everyone at all times, and that it is OK.  And that we don't have to make people love us.  No matter how hard we try, not everyone is destined to love us, and that is also,  OK.

I saw to fruition on Sunday, something that I have been planning since February.  Leave it to me, to think of Apple Blossoms during the coldest, snowiest, winter in years.  I may be more optimistic than I realize.
I filled in my name, beside the cancelled time slot I had, which, was one of the events that, incidentally, was responsible for doubt coming over to visit in the first place.  I took that time slot of me, for my development, for my mind, for my pleasure.  I shot all over the Orchard, and shot for the pure joy of shooting.  I saw things the way I wanted to see them, and manipulated the light to make it happen.

Wish the internetz could convey smells, because you would be in Heaven.  The apple blossoms are almost all gone by now, but take the time to visit if you can,  Verger Belliveau Orchard. Or, wait til next year, and join me, when I do it all over again!

 So, here are some shots, that I took for me, from me, to me.  Pretty darn good gift, if you ask me!

On the Way to the Orchard, grass was so green, and the sky was so blue, and the clouds, so fluffy and white...

This one, I promise, is not even a mistake.  I had pulled out my old lens, really old lens, and popped on my magnifying rings.  I looked up at a bloom and when I went to far past the focus, I realized just how beautiful the light was!

My favorites.

Straight out of a fairy tale.

If you ever have the urge to feel small... go and stand in the presence of these trees.

The hardest of all workers.  I knew better than to stand in their flight path.  With approximately a week to pollinate these 60 acres of blooms, there is no time to rest.

I don't know if there is a message in this post that you can learn from.  Maybe, just knowing that there is someone else out there, that has had a bad day is enough.  I think, that as time consuming as it is to have a bad day.... sometimes they are a necessary evil, to make us stop and think, and put things back into perspective.  That of bad things, sometimes, beautiful things happen.  If I hadn't had that cancellation, I wouldn't have had the time to take these pictures to gift to myself...

We locked her in the chicken coop and giggled | Moncton Lifestyle Photographer

Funny, My Mom made a comment awhile back that made me think, they had just returned from Florida, and we laughed, about how my sister and I, were the only kids in our classes at school that didn't make it to Disney.  In all honesty, my sister and I were probably the only two who didn't dream about going.  I think we were just too busy with learning about real things, that we didn't have time to think of cartoon characters and fantasy lands.    

A great deal of our childhood was spent at our camp.  It's about an hours drive away, with no less than 100 combinations of ways to drive there, meant, just the mere trip there was the start of our adventures.  It wasn't always about getting there the quickest way possible, it was about enjoying the journey, as much as the destination.  I have talked about the camp before, I know, after all, when something has been such a big part of your life, it does play a big part in who you are, and who you've become.  I've often thought that the poem, "All I really needed to know I learned in Kindergarten" could be adapted to a version specific of "All I really needed to know, I learned at the camp.."

We spent countless hours on the beach, crafting clay dishes, & making dams in the cold spring water to hold our juice boxes.  We built sand fortresses, and dug clams, had seaweed fights, caught chubs and tickle fish, and scoured the rock piles, looking for the perfect skipping rock. We threw rocks, why that river isn't filled in, I can't quite explain.  We threw rocks until our arms hurt; in the heat of the day; and as our shadows grew taller. We went on beach walks and admired broken pieces of dishes and plates, and their delicate patterns, worn from time and the salty water. 

We sat in the truck box and delivered lunches to the boys working in the fields.  We let our imagination move dirt while we sat on the bulldozers brought in for the barn expansion. We went speeding down hills in hand made go carts without brakes.  We packed picnics and explored all our favorite places on the farm. We built elaborate roadways, and villages in the garden, between the beans and peas. We explored the ditches, & picked bottles and wildflowers.  We blew bubbles and chewed gum, we swung on swings, and pushed when it wasn't our turn.  We played tag on the round bales.  We sat patiently behind the cows when it was calving season, waiting for the calves to be brave enough to approach and suck on our fingers and coats.  We would sit on Jack or Bell or Duke, the horses used for logging, and wrap their manes around our hands, and sit listening to them chew their hay.  We'd brush as much of them as we could reach, and climb up into the hay manger to scratch their heads.    

 We had bon fires, we sang songs, played games, and roasted marshmallows, we picked out the big and little dippers & waited for shooting stars.  We set off great firework displays, and all still remember our favorite... the burning school house.  When we came home at night, we were filthy, and we were exhausted.  

Of course, we got into plenty of trouble; used cattle prods on each other, closed the door and locked the smallest one in the chicken coop, giggled with delight as the hens got brave and started to circle her, we let her out just as she was on the verge of tears, and tried to plead our remorse when we let her out and and she threatened to tell her Mom.  Flooded the barn when we forgot to turn off the water spout, and made friends with the nervous heifers when we found their grain. 

We were engaged, and were engaging.  We listened to stories about horses and cattle and the people that tended them, the ones that shaped the land that we played on.  We learned about the good old days, and that they weren't always soo good or easy.    We learned how to sit still under an oak or a maple and listened to stories of who planted them.  We learned how to find and visit the grave sites of great grandparents and lost relatives, and thought quietly of what their lives were like.  We were curious, and asked questions, and were silent and respectful for tears when they were shed.  Each day was a new adventure, and we started them early in the day.

When I think about these things, I can step back into the moment and relive them.  I can feel the sun on my back, feel the warm breeze on my face.  I can smell the homemade bread, and I can taste those tuna & celery sandwiches, and hear the cows balling for their calves when they were weaned.  I have those vivid memories, because I lived them. 

What I see these days, are people having wonderful experiences, but they are not actually living them.  They are distracted by the desire to capture them, with their cameras, or, worse, their phones.    The thing with this is, although a photograph or a video is powerful media, it will never, ever be as strong as replaying a memory.  Also, it has been studied and said that scent, not sight, is the sense tied closest to memory recall.   It's funny that this thought has come to me, as a photographer.  

Seriously, am I saying this out loud, telling you to put your camera down?  No, I am not saying put your camera away.   What I am suggesting is that the next time you are out somewhere, really live the moment you are in.  Take time to take a picture with your minds eye, and not be distracted by setting up a composition.  Feel the breeze, smell the wind and listen to the laughter and voices.  Take a picture in your mind, and then capture a small element of it with your camera... or, in the case of a major event in your life... hire a professional to do it for you. 

To end, I'll share a picture, one of a total of 40 that I took from a trip that Ben and I took a few weeks ago to Cape Enrage.  I was tempted to take more, I could have totally just photographed the beauty all day, instead, we talked, we watched, and we listened, and we'll remember, not because of the pictures, but, because we were there.